The routine cont'd

It was the walks too, and spending money on myself. It was missing London and my friends. I focused all the anxiety over these varied aspects of my life, and I anxiously began doing other things. I anxiously started exercising, first walking and then a mix of running and walking. I started just choosing any text and reading it for a set amount of time, just to be reading, however I'm not suited personally to episodic reading, I need to continuously read the whole book, so I often prefer novellas and short books.

Later I started a green smoothie diet, replacing the normal diet of shop bought samosas, diet soft drinks, cereals, sweets and takeaway food with only smoothies. I've only started this, so obviously can't comment on whether it will be useful, but I do feel that, at this stage, I can guarantee I will be able to...

It comes down to the routine. It did some kind of magic. I started making lists of my dreams and desires, what I wanted to do in a day that I wasn't. I knew it was just not going to work looking at this in the short or medium term. This was the long term kind of change.

I began by saying to myself "summer 2016"

The routine

So I changed my life walking around Glasgow, how many stories begin like that?

I was up there trying to get back on kilter after a really bad placement experience. I had pursued a foray into hypnotism during my efforts at self flagellation at the place, and was made aware by a counsellor/hypnotist that I suffered from visible signs of chronic anxiety. This is where, rather than a shot of acute anxiety, rushing up you like steel (as it's described by sufferers of acute anxiety), you have a continuous leak of anxiety hormones into your body all the time, wearing you down as you are alert during rest time.

Learning to let go off the past and some retribution for these great wrongdoings I ruminated over, that was the first step. My good friends helped me out with that part. Afterwards, there was the routine...

What is this routine John?
Tell us already!

Ok, so I've set you up with enough background for you to get the routine down. It started with the dentist visit in Glasgow. The dentist saw me for all of 5 minutes and completely assessed what was wrong. A dental hygienist took care of the actual treatment and scaling. She asked that I use interdental brushed with peroxyl to try and get under the gum line cleaned, and she recommended I buy an electric toothbrush.

I asked the receptionist about the toothbrush and she said "get an Oral B, it changed my life" and I noted she had lovely teeth. The whole experience was just strange. There it was that the dentist held a mirror in my mouth, revealing a bank of gold tartar that, to my utter disgust, I'd never even noticed in my own mouth... But there was a lot of hope everywhere and support in every corner.

I booked an appointment for three weeks later (two sessions to remove the tartar, fuck) and walked straight into Superdrug. I bought an Oral B, sets of TePe interdental brushes, a bottle of peroxyl, and I scrubbed and brushed my teeth like a lunatic for a month. Everyday, over and over, brush, brush, brush. I went back to the dentist and she was shocked. "You did it, this is such a huge difference, we should have took before and after photos!" We talked at length about how "I obviously got you hooked and interested then" and, at the end of almost 90 minutes of scaling and messing about with my teeth, she said "I'm glad you came when you did because you have lovely teeth" and I bounced out of the room, elated! My parents had noticed the change too and couldn't stop commenting, but I was unawares, it was just invisible to me. But, it only started with the dentist...

Are we going to war with Greece then?

The media is hyping up the Greek default a lot, in a very tabloidish fashion. Are we going to go to war with Greece? Take back the value lent to them in their property and their women (or men)? Will banks and corporations march mercenary brigands across the border in East India Company fashion?

Quite a lot of political power posturing is blasted at us through news apps and websites, as these powers negotiate, rather than giving them space to privately settle their affairs. Understandably, the public is at risk in the UK, especially those who've hedged their bets in Greece's economic success, and so the ramifications are in some respects points to dutifully report in the mass media. And yet, this gives me undue anxiety about the ongoing events that seem direct threats, when in fact the likelihood of my being ever directly affected are minute.

But that's what they said about the financial crash, it'll be far off that a crash would affect so wide a section of the population directly and indirectly, across borders and class divides. Everyone has been a little bit touched by that crisis, what's to say that Greece won't do that too?

I guess what I'm asking is, when are we going to war with Greece?! It should never happen, they should be allowed to negotiate their future with privacy and tolerance. Every person can empathise with what the country is going through: we've most of us been suddenly out of work, a young country with little standing, struggling and striving but hitting a wall. It is the time when most turn back to family or those closest related to us for advise, "how do I get back on track? Where did I go wrong?"

All they need to hear is that they aren't doing anything wrong. They don't need people to go to war with them. When you are striving and trying, and those advising you are belligerent, you will end up at war with yourself, trying to destroy the elements of yourself that your carers disapprove of. This is a cyclical process, as you destroy yourself to please them, you become more dependent on them for advice on how to better destroy yourself to their liking. It is like psychological masochism, self flagellating for others' pleasure, while clearly harming yourself, evident in the slovenly return to them for more punishment.

I was trapped in a cycle like this and it utterly destroyed me, physically and nervously. I was already a fairly anxious person, but with a fairly disruptive twenties I've been thrown around the UK and Ireland. Having no major roots here, I've been isolated other than in pursuing a qualification and doing placements. I was jumping through embarrassing hoops to not fail and was for the first time doubting entering my field, but realised in the aftermath that I have a moderate problem with chronic anxiety.

In May 2015 I went to the doctor and the dentist in quick succession, and discovered I am 181.5 cm tall (I think I shrank...), 90kg and a "it's very light but one is too many" smoker. I'm a very happy, educated and well adjusted person, but have physical and emotional difficulties related to chronic anxiety, like randomly sweating profusely. I have big blubbery deposits of torso fat, typical moobs and spare tyre look, and I can't do a pushup or pullup!! The dentist said I had huge banks of tartar that were driving my gums insane! I had otherwise healthy teeth (though I did hear the phrase "some bone loss" thrown around) and was far from methface.

Actually, in terms of lung capacity, blood pressure, random urine test at GP registration (?), and other flattery, I was just considered a healthy young guy who's a bit overweight. My teeth were treated and I got signed off my placement to recover, but that's where the important part starts.

I changed my life a bit, some say too much, too soon but I'd rather that than hear too little, too late. I started walking in Glasgow along a 2.5 mile route through the West end of the city. It was gorgeous and I worked out the source of lots of my anxiety issues. I guess you could call it a mindful vacation...

Non-rhotic R

I am John redesigned
to accommodate the needs
of the ever-changing future.

I am John reconditioned
to accept the fate of mortality
without grimace or concern.

I am John repurposed,
I happily occupy the roles
oft relegated to lower castes.

I am John reprogrammed
to not dwell on the revelation
of that last point on repurposing.

       ,esrever ni nhoJ ma I
         tegrof ot ton sa os
sraeberof sih fo ekatsim eht

I
   i
a  n
m  c  i
   u  n
J  m
o  b  W
h  e  h
n  n  o
   t  s
r     e
e  t
v  o  G
e     r
a  t  a
l  h  c
e  e  e
d,  
      I
   R
   e  b
   d  a
   e  s
   e  k
   m
   e  f
   r, o
      r
      e
      v
      e
      r.

I am John rejoicing
that his day might one day come:
that his vainglorious pursuit relents.

I am John reminiscing
of a simpler time, of friends
imagining worlds made of oysters.

I am John recanting
his past imperfections abound,
for the virtue of selflessness.

I am John renewed
by the power in perpetuity
of laughing, learning children.

I'm John.

Abs

I am totes amazing,
Amazing I totes am.
I weren't totes amazing,
I'd not have wrote this poem.

I am totes amazeballs,
Amazeballs I totes is.
If I ain't totes amazeballs,
Then what the fuck I is?!

I am totes jamazin',
Jamazin I still is,
If I weren't totes jamazin',
Man, I'd love to know who is!

I am abs amazin'
I absolutely is.
If I'm not abs amazeballs,
Then I don't wanna be it!

Solstice hymn (absolute silliness)

A baptismal chrism of dew drops in June
'Neath a sky lit at once by the sunrise and moon...
Branch rustle crack under wild feet in shadows,
And the early supper before winter commences.
The trees heave with wood pigeons and all sorts of nesters
Awake at the sunrise of four forty-nine,
All baptised at once in the bountiful wine.

All sorts of flies and moths lit up like stars,
So that bats tear across to hunt them with ease
The warm night cooled intermittently by a godsent breeze
So gently to awaken the choir of trees branches
Stirring the solstice and arousing the creatures
All awake to partake in the midsummer feast.
All sorts of shadow and all kinds of beast.

But the sky is alight with the stars, moon and Sun
A miraculous view of the heavens from the dark of the garden.
The sunrise so early took its time to horizon,
So the light danced enchanting against the darkness of night sky
And transformed all the nature around it.
It is mystic you see, a mysterious glee
As the light enchanting and the nature transforming,
So as to be overwhelming.
The spirit leaps in bacchant ecstasy...

----------------------------------------

An old.woman speaks of the solstice at sea,
You could scarcely believe what you're seeing...
On a ship's deck all moonlit, the sailors look seaward,
Only to see like great islands afloat,
All sorts of creature from the maritime deep.
They arise in the light, the whale sing hymns to the high sun
Like a chorus of angels, in a sound only heard
By the ears of a god,
For it's their language they sing
And offer unto heaven.

----------------------------------------

Away in a land far away from this England
The soil could be heaving with waking cicadas.
The great forests that reach to the clouds at the top
Swell and grow in the great fetour, that accompanies the theatre
Of bountiful feasting,
By all sorts of beasties
On the dead cicada shell...
So wondrous a feat of a species of tree
Has its foundation in the high summer revelry...

The horny cicadas lie dormant in waiting
For the ancestral period of mating.
After eighteen long years, the soil surface tears,
And the cicada gets right to his work.

They are young now and free of their captivity,
So they must mate and repopulate the soil.
They number millions you see, and in the long summer day,
They mate relentlessly.
For when they are done, they fall dead in the mud..
Even living, they are in great peril!
For all sorts of animal come to prey on them fiercely
And eat them alive before mating.

They are clumsy as well when they first reach the ground,
They are very easily preyed on.
And in more or less three more days
All will die anyway
And their bodies produce wondrous humous
For the giant red trees to stretch up with their leaves
To become a Canadian redwood.

Islamic Faith Schools in England - is faith education equal? (work in progress)

I've been following a story recently about schools in Birmingham, UK, wherein some schools were uncovered involved in a plot to 'Islamify' the local state education sector. The letters and emails seems to suggest the following:

1) The schools involved coordinated a plan to out head teachers and senior leadership, as well as governance, to be replaced with preferred Muslim leadership.

2) The local community were involved with the schools in inaugurating predominantly Muslim governors, drawn from the local ranks.

Now, before you go screaming about gerrymandering, cultural invasions and the destruction intrinsecus of democracy, listen to this. The schools were, as a majority, deemed 'Outstanding' or 'Good,' bar a few exceptions (including one school requiring significant improvement), by Ofsted. In one case, the inspectors rated a school as 'Outstanding' in the category of Leadership and Management, citing an obvious commitment to quality education and impeccable standards. While drawing a criticism of one school as "inadequately preparing students for multicultural Britain," the inspectors found these faith schools to bring an important service to their local community.

In my mind, two questions were raised by the state of affairs:

1. Is the UK's general tolerance of faith education limited to Christian institutions? Is there something particularly abhorrent to any majority of UK citizens to Islamic communities having their own faith education institutions within the same state education system as UK comprehensive, grammar, independent and Christian faith schools? If so, why? The main issue of contention is the freedom of religious affiliation extended to all British subjects: does its existence not entitle the Islamic community to their education style as much as it entitles RC schools, or independent schools?

2. Were the same situation applied to a Christian school, in a majority Christian community and region, would there be such a furore? Christian schools actively proselytise in multicultural areas and communities, where various religious communities live adjacent to non-believing and atheist individuals, groups and families. The UK population, in each census and data-collecting, has shown itself to be growing irreligious and agnostic, with many people reporting to be disenfranchised by mainstream religions, and disillusioned with recent, prominent scandals and revelations. The religious communities in the UK sacrifice much to be affiliated with their churches and temples, in the hopes that the overriding morality woven into the community fibre brings safety and comfort to all involved. It is decidedly un-individual: you must be aware of what you are doing in relation to the entire community; when you are not meeting the model moral character you expect others to possess; when you hide yourself for the sake of communal stability and where your family are deeply interested in religious adherence.

What is Morality then?

I have a hard time describing morality in a short, definitive way. You have to digress massively in order to convey (largely through examples) of what morality is. Since I work around young people, I have to be able to break almost anything down to its simplest expression. I ask them, "have you ever done anything you knew was wrong that you got away with?" Being teenagers, the deafening silence usually indicates a resounding Yes. It could be as simple as "I ate an apple once while walking through an open fruit market on holiday. I never paid for it." You know it is bad that you didn't pay for it, and tend to feel bad knowing you've done this nebulously bad thing. You are effectively punishing yourself for the thing other people didn't punish you for i.e. guilt. The only individuals who may have a really difficult time understanding this are some of the autistic spectrum disorders and Antisocial Personality disorders (ASPD), wherein a lack of empathetic stimulus or understanding of other's feelings impair one's notion of "X is bad for others, even if good for me." Morality is this knowing what good actions are, and ethics is the decision-making process of choosing good actions every time (note: not necessarily the best, as Kant revealed).

There are some problemata associated with morality and ethics, the most prominent being universality: how universally applicable is the category of moral? Another is the religious association and dominance of the field, as there exists much evidence for their connection and shared origin. These problems merit articles of their own, but I'd like to get back to discussing the faith schools.


3. The final question raised was about whether the situation arising in Birmingham is evidence of community ghettos in small corporations in the UK. Is England in particular as multicultural as it titles itself? There exists a lot of evidence that scenarios like this develop in England because many, particularly rural, communities in the UK haven't been open to immigration in recent years. Areas of Birmingham, Greater London (esp. Tower Hamlets), Bradford and Luton have long established large Muslim minorities. Is it unfair that these community cultural citadels be allowed to encourage their children with authentic faith education? The last three decades have strained tensions with many Muslim communities, either in direct conflict with them (Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, Libya, Somalia) or through their supporting the aforementioned nations (Palestine, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan). This tension has been furthered strained by calls from some moderate Muslim political leaders for equivalent Shariah law practice in the UK, as well as the death of drummer Lee Rigby; 7/7; Lockerbie; calls to ban women from veiling, arranged/juvenile marriages and Female Genital Mutilation in the UK. In many ways, the UK has become a society of two shades: the multicultural, multi-ethnic, free native majority; and the small-minded, insular and surreptitious minorities of extremists - primarily Muslim.